STOP CALLING ME!
by J.S. Rivas
Summary: Roy Mustang was always annoyed with Hughes,But now he is more annoying after a drunken phone call. Rated T for Language
1. The drunken mistake

**STOP CALLING ME!**

It was 3:00 AM and Roy Mustang was in deep sleep, Dreaming of one day getting Hawkeye back to his place, When all of the sudden the phone was ringing and Roy woke up, Tired and angry picking up the phone to see who was calling.

_"Who's this" Roy said with anger in his voice" It's 3 AM!"_

_"Hey what are ya doing"_ Roy knew that voice, It was Maes Hughes, Roy's annoying Friend, Now it sounded like Hughes was drunk, So Roy decided to not yell at Hughes.

_"Hughes are you drunk?"_

_"so what are ya doing?_ Maes said, Ignoring Roy question.

_"I'm sleeping"_

_"Oh, Listen I was heard this song from a Friend, me of you... Just listen."_And it reminded Hughes turned on his CD Player to let Roy listen to this song he heard, The song seemed to be called "Sex Bomb" by how many times it was said in the song, Roy was disgusted by the fact his "Best Friend" put on a song that was all about this person who was sexy and it reminded Hughes of Roy, He was scared Maes found him atrractive.

_"So watcha think"_ Hughes Said, Then all of the sudden Roy hanged up the phone and hid under the covers, Unpluging the phone trying to forget what happen tonight.

* * *

After the whole phone call from Hughes, Roy was at work in Eastern Headquarters. Everyone was finished with paper work early and Roy was in his office alone with Riza Hawkeye, Flirting with her.

_"How about you come over to my place tonight"_ Said Roy in a seductive tone.

_"Depends what for dinner"_ Riza said with a seductive smile, Roy planting butterfly kisses on her neck with Riza quietly moaning, Suddently that's when the phone rang leaving Roy annoyed, Knowing it was Hughes.

_"This Motherfucker"_ Roy said, As he was picking up the phone.

_"Roy! My Boy"_

_"what is it Hughes I'm busy right now"_

_"Okay Okay um... Look about the whole thing last night-"_

_"Look don't worry about that let's just try to forget that"_

_"Oh great great okay bye"_

_"bye" _Roy hanged up the phone

_"what did he wanted this time"_ Riza asked

_"Nothing he just being his dumb ass

* * *

self"_ Roy then with a seductive smile went back to kissing her neck.

**

* * *

So this is my first story, Please be nice I'm gonna make an other one for this later please review you don't even have to have an account for that. Just let me know what you think.**


	2. one night stand

**Hi guys I just want to say if you read the first one, I'm sorry for the misspelling, I was trying to make it as fast as I could and I'm new, And please leave a review I want to know if someone read it.**

**STOP CALLING ME! PT.2**

Roy was getting everything ready for Riza, Who was coming over his place for dinner, And Roy was excited, He knew he must not fuck up anything for tonight, Then he heard a knock on his door, He knew it was Riza. He dashed to the door, Checking his appearance and his breath. He was ready.

_"Well, Hello Riza"_ Roy said in a seductive tone_" Come on in"_

Riza couldn't help but smile. She looked beautiful with her Xinese dress and with her make-up, And Roy also looked handsome with his Red dress shirt and Black Tie with Black Pants. Both of them were having a nice time with dinner, Later after dinner they were both having a passionate kiss, And went to Roy's bedroom, Kicking off their shoes with Riza taking off Roy Shirt, and Roy taking off her dress, They were about to make love, Until all of the sudden...

RING! RING!

Roy could not believe his ears the phone was actually ringing, While Roy was in the middle of a Passionate moment, Riza also was annoyed with the phone, Both of them decided to let it ring, and go back to making love, Until the phone was ringing for the sixth time, So Roy picked the phone up, Already knowing it was Hughes.

_"Roy!"_ Said Hughes_" How are you doing"_

_"What is it hughes I'm VERY VERY BUSY!"_ Roy said with anger in his voice

At the sound of his voice Hughes knew he had to back quick

_" Alright Alright Look do you want to go to the bar with me?"_

_"Sorry Hughes I'm in the middle of something"_

_" Alright an other time thing"_ Hughes said with hurt in his voice

Roy hanged up the phone, Getting back to making love to Riza, In the sheets with Riza starting to moan, But untill...

RING! RING!

_"This Fucking jackass just doesn't understand!"_ Roy yelled, Picking up the phone

_"Hey Roy are you sure I mean-"_ Maes said, Before Roy interrupted him

_"Listen Good Hughes!, Because I'll only say it once!"_ Roy yelled, Scaring Hughes _" I'm busy right now AND FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT!, So stop calling!"_

_"But-"_ Hughes said, Before Roy Hanged up the phone, After that both Riza and Roy went back to making love, But untill...

RING! RING!

Riza then pulled the telephone cord off the phone.

_"Presistant Bitch"_ Riza said, Both of them knowing it's Hughes.

_"Yeah, He's really getting annoying Today"_ Roy said_" Now then_,_Let's get back to where we was at"_ Both of them going back to making love.

* * *

**okay so please review, I'll make an other one later.**


	3. Sorry for missing it

**Stop calling me! pt.3**

It was a normal workday, and Roy Mustang came late... AGAIN, But before he could reach his office, There he saw Hughes making a B- Line to Roy, And Hughes didn't look to happy and looks like he was crying. And Roy was nervous as Hughes was walking to him.

_"HEY!"_ Yelled Hughes, As Roy stood scared _" Where were you last night!_

_"Huh?"_ Said a confuse Mustang

_"Don't play dumb or should I remind you!"_

_"Look Maes I don't know what you're mad about, I got to go to work, Before lieutenant Hawkeye kills me"_

_"Oh my god, You did forget DID YOU!"_

_"OF WHAT!" _Shouted back The Colonel

_"It was my Birthday Roy!"_

Roy gasped as he just did remembered, A week after Roy invited Riza to his Apartment, Hughes called Roy about his birthday party, But Roy was annoyed by Hughes calling on the phone, Which he been doing thru out the entire week, Roy knew that Hughes was annoying, But never like this, as Hughes always called more times, Then he did before and Roy was pissed at Hughes for that, But now Roy was in trouble and Maes was the one pissed.

_"Look Maes"_ Said Roy_" Let me make it up to you, Look we can go_ _or do whatever you want"_

Hughes still crying saying _" y-y-you're sure?"_

_"Yeah!, Buddy we can do whatever you want, Okay? Just stop crying it will be alright, I promise"_

_"Alright" _Said a happy Hughes, As he hugged his Roy, Making him feel awkward, Just then the door to his office opened with Jean Havoc coming out, Then with Havoc as a shock to see Hughes and Mustang hugging, Roy and Maes saw the situation and both split trying to assure Havoc

_"It's not what you think!" _Roy and Maes said in unison

_" I didn't see anything Sir"_ Said Havoc, He went back to the office

Both of them standing there until Roy decided to break the awkward silence

_"So... I see ya later"_ Said Roy_" at what time?"_

_"How about this Saturday at 7 PM"_ Said Hughes _" Since I'm very busy this week"_

_"Okay... perfect see you then"_

Hughes was happy and was cheering as he skipped down the hallway

_"What was that about?"_ Said a Female voice, Roy was spooked to turn around to see it's his secret girlfriend Riza Hawkeye

_"Don't do that"_ Said Roy

_" Sorry... So what's with Lt. colonel Hughes"_

_"Oh I forgot about his birthday and he got mad, So I decided to make it up to him by Saturday"_

_"Oh... well Colonel we have to go to work"_

_"I know, I know"_

Everybody was working and as much Roy was bored, The entire staff was trying to be fast, Just so they can have some free time, And then all of the sudden..

RING! RING!

_"No Fucking Way" _Roy said, Everyone looked at Mustang, The second the phone was ringing, And Roy slowly picked up the phone, Hoping it was not Hughes

_"Hello" _Said Roy

_"Roy! My Boy!"_Said Hughes (Of Course!)

_"Fuck Me!"_ Roy Said in his head

Everyone saw Roy reaction and knew straight away Hughes was the one calling, And everyone was annoyed.

_"What is it Hughes, I already promised that I would make it up to you"_

_"Yeah I just want you to know, That Elysia just made a funny joke"_

_"...Okay...And?"_

_"Just Listen Gracia taped it"_

_"Look Hughes I'm busy an-"_ Roy stopped for a moment, Giggling with his men looking at him confused, Then all of the sudden Roy gave out a huge laugh collapsing to the floor, Everyone was curious so Riza put the phone on speaker and as everyone heard, They started to giggle and as there boss was doing, They Laughed collapsing to the floor Laughing their hearts out, Everyone agreed it was the first time Hughes brought somethin good. Back to his normal self, Roy hanged up the phone, After the big laugh they had, a few seconds the phone was ringing, But Roy pulled the cord, Which was the only way to stop the calls, Then everyone went back to work.

* * *

**So for the first time, Something good comes out from Hughes, If you're guessing what was the joke, I'm leaving it a mystery, The next one will feature all of Hughes calls, 2 more to go. And please review I really not kidding you guys are making me nervous. I promise the next two will be better and longer.**


	4. That asshole

**Stop Calling Me Pt.4**

One week ago, After Roy date with Riza, Hughes called Roy non-stop, And Roy was pissed...

After that night Roy woke up next to Riza Hawkeye, Who stayed over his placed, After their date and he was happier than he ever been in his life, He got Riza over his place and got laid, He notice that she was waking up, He quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and she faced Roy with a huge smile on her face.

_"Good Morning"_ Said Roy, As he given her a quick kiss

_"I had fun last night"_ Riza Said, As she buried her head into his chest

They laid there hugging, But then once again something unexpected happen...

RING! RING!

They both looked at the phone in shock, Roy thought Riza unplugged it, He saw that the cord was plugged, Both of them looked at each other and Roy decided to pick up the phone.

_"Hello, Who's this"_ Roy said nervous

_"Hey Roy"_ Said Hughes

_"Hughes, What is it I'm busy righ-"_

_"Yeah busy... Busy Getting it on with Hawkeye!"_

Roy was shocked, He wondered how did Hughes found out about that

_"I saw you two sleeping together naked"_ Said Hughes

_"How did you know about that" _Whispered Roy, Trying to not let Riza hear there conversation

_"I went to your house, After the bar to see how you where doing"_

_"But, How did you get in my apartment!"_

_"I have a copy of your house key"_

Roy was scared, He starting to think Hughes was Homo for him

_"Anyway"_ Said Hughes _"I won't tell anyone about your one night stand, with Hawkeye"_

Roy sighed in relief

_"But next time you hanged up on me like that, And your one night stand is going on the front of the newspaper"_

Hughes hanged up, Leaving Roy scared of what his friend would do next, Riza looked at Roy worried about him, Putting her hand on his shoulder

_"Roy, what's wrong"_ Riza asked

_"It's Hughes"_ Roy said _"And he knows about last night"_

_"Oh no.."_Riza said shocked

_"That bastard said, If next time I hang up on him, He's gonna spread the news"_

Roy and Riza was scared that he would do it, But then Riza came up with a Brilliant plan to get Hughes to shut his mouth, Riza whispered her plan to Mustang, And both of them with an evil smile, They now know how to deal with Hughes and his big mouth.

* * *

**The Next Day**

Hughes came over to Roy house to play a video game they both loved, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, There were having fun, But it was all a lie Roy brought Hughes for his plan to get him to shut up about his late night with Hawkeye, They were talking while playing and with Hawkeye getting ready hiding in the kitchen

_"You know"_ Said Hughes_"It's great we are hanging out, Playing Call Of Duty"_

_"Yeah It's Great killing all these Faggots online"_ Roy Said

_"Yep total Cock Suckers"_

_"Anyway I need to talk to you about something"_

_"What is it dog?"_

_"About the whole thing with me and Riza"_

_"Yeah... And?"_

_"Yeah don't tell or else"_

That was the signal for Riza to start

_"Or else What"_ Said Hughes

_"OR I'LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT"_ Yelled Hawkeye, Pointing a gun to Hughes head scared as shit

Then he started to have a heart attack and fell to the ground shaking

_"OH SHIT!"_ Roy and Riza said in unison

* * *

**The Next Day**

Hughes was in the Hospital, After his heart attack from being scared by the fact Hawkeye pulled a gun on him, His wife heard the news and heard the entire story from Roy, Which sounded pretty awkward to her. Roy came in to the Hospital to check on Hughes.

_"Hey Man"_ Said Mustang_"How are you holding up"_

_"Well"_ Said Hughes_"Despite having a gun aiming my head, Okay"_

_"Well you was asking for it, You know Hawkeye was part of it"_

_"Yeah that was really dumb of me to do that"_

_"Well... I'm waiting"_

_"Okay Okay, No one will know about this"_

_"And you will stop making copies of my key"_

_"Yeah Yeah"_

_"Good Boy"_

Roy patted Hughes on the head and lefted, Going back home, Taking a bath and was going to bed ready to sleep, Until...

RING! RING!

Roy knew who that was

_"Good Boy MY ASS!" _Roy Said

Picking up the phone, To once again talk to his Dumb ass friend

_"Yeah Hughes"_ Said Roy

_"No, It's me Hawkeye"_

_"Oh sorry I thought you was him"_

_"Anyway are we still on for Friday"_

_"Yeah" _He said with a smile

_"Great I can't wait"_

_"Yeah Me too"_

_"Hang up"_ Riza Said Playfully

_"No you Hang up"_

_"Okay"_

Riza hanged up on Roy

_"She hanged up on me!"_ Roy Said with a pout

* * *

**The Next Day**

RING! RING!

_"Yes Hughes"_ Said Roy who was at work

_"Roy! I just want to remind you that MY Birthday coming up"_ Said Hughes _"That's all Bye!"_

Roy was surprised

_"That was fast"_ Roy Said

* * *

**The Next Day**

_"Yeah Hughes"_ Roy Said after Hughes called him again

_"Chicken Butt"_ Said Hughes

Then Hanged up on him, Leaving Roy annoyed, He knew he had to find a way to stop him.

* * *

**Present day (it was Saturday)**

Roy threw a party in his apartment for Hughes, He did made it up for him, And Hughes was having fun, While Roy was talking to his crew planning on how to stop Hughes from calling.

* * *

**On the final chapter Roy Mustang starts his plan to stop the calls once and for all. Sorry for rushing in the end, But my bitch Ass sister is rushing to take over the computer, So it will take a while for the final one.**


	5. No more calls

**Stop Calling Me! Pt.5 Final**

Roy was thinking thru with his plan with his crew. Roy now knows what to do.

_"Alright Listen"_ Roy said to his crew, Who heard the entire story from Roy, Which weird them out knowing Hughes was acting weird, And the fact that he nailed Hawkeye was really huge.

_"This is the plan"_ Roy Said _"We are gonna scare him by_ _posing as the Xing Mafia" _

(In case you haven't realize from part 2, I made Xing like China in this fan fic)

_"First, We will call him and hang up many times, Just to get him a little nervous, Luckly Hughes is so stupid he didn't get caller ID yet, Then after that we will throw rocks in his office with Armstrong help, And Then we park at the headquarters, Wait for him to come out of HQ, Then we chase him and scare him the crap out of him, Any questions?"_

Everyone just looked at him like he was a lunatic, Then the door to the balcony opened, It was Hughes

_"Hey"_ Hughes Said _"Ain't you gonna be in the living room you're missing the party"_

_"We're coming" _Said Roy, As Breda, Falman, Havoc, And Furey were going to the living room, While Mustang and Hawkeye stayed at the balcony

_"Are you sure this will work?"_ Riza Asked

_"Yeah"_ Roy Said _"Trust me Hughes will fall for it"_

_"If you say so"_

_"Do you want to go in"_

_"No way, I don't want to play their drinking games"_

With a smirk _"I know what game you want to play_"

_"No way"_

_"Come on! Why not!"_

_"People are here Roy!"_

_"After the party?"_

She stood quiet for a moment, Then agreed Roy and his crew were ready for the plan, Tomorrow Maes Hughes will never make a phone call ever again, But first he was gonna get laid...

* * *

Later after the party...

_"A game of Life"_ Roy Said, Thought that he would get laid, But instead is playing a Board Game _"What about we make love in my bed?"_

_"Not in the mood, Tomorrow"_

* * *

**The Next Day**

Mustang was ready for Hughes to call, He was about to start the first part of his plan, He waited smirking untill...

**RING! RING!**

He knew who it was _"Right on time you bastard you"_ Said Roy, With an evil smile as he picked up the phone

_"Roy my boy"_ Said Hughes

_"Maes!... Oh Thank god" _Roy Said, Speaking in a scared tone

_"Yeah It's me... What's Up?"_

_"I thought you were the xingese mafia"_

_"Xingese Mafia?"_

_"Didn't you heard?"_

_"Heard What Roy?"_

_"Hughes this is serious!, There's a new gang from Xing, Who been attacking people, Even from the military and they are more dangerous than scar!"_

_"Really!"_

_"Yeah... Really"_

_"Oh god!"_

_"Look just stay safe and don't call me just in case"_

_"Alright Roy... Bye"_

_"Bye"_

_"Okay I love you"_

_"What!" _Roy Said, Shocked to hear what Maes just said

_"Ahhh... Wait"_ Hughes Said, Knowing what he said was a little creepy

_"You love me!"_

_"Ah... Ahhh... Oh! look Elysia is playing the piano, Okay Bye!"_

Hughes hanged up, Leaving Roy scared and his whole crew has just heard the phone call, Everyone was shocked, Even Hawkeye who was next to him.

* * *

**The Next Day**

Hughes was scared as shit!, Someone kept calling him and hanging up the phone, He thought it was the Xingese Mafia

**Later that day**

Maes went to work, Trying to get the issue out of his mind and everything was slow, Since the whole Scar case hasn't had any activity and everyone was out since Paper work was finished, And Maes was just sleeping, Due to his lack of sleep from thinking of the Xingese Mafia, And then out of nowhere...

**CRASH!**

A Giant "Fucking" Boulder Crashes thru the window, Almost hitting Hughes Desk

_"WHAT THE FUCK!"_ Screamed Hughes, As he dashes to the window to see who did it, But as he made it to the window, No one was there and it made Hughes more scared than ever, He was pissing himself as he thought that it was the Xingese Mafia, Then Sheska walked in to see her boss had an accident, Maes turned around and was embarrassed.

Outside Roy and Major Armstrong was outside Headquarters with Roy Chuckling about the accident

_"Great Job Major"_ Said Mustang

_"No Problem, Sir!"_ Said Armstrong, also Laughing of the whole situation

* * *

**Later that night**

Roy was in his room with Riza, Animated for tomorrow and Riza was reading a book, She was staying over Roy Apartment for the week, due to her apartment having a insect problem.

_"Is everything ready for tomorrow Riza?"_ Said Roy

_"Yes Sir"_ Said Riza, Putting down her book

_"There's no need to call me that Riza"_

_"Okay... Roy"_ Riza Said, In a seductive tone

_"I love it, When you say my name"_ Roy Whispered at Riza ear, As he went on top of her.

* * *

**The Next Day**

Everyone was ready, It was Tuesday Night and Maes was about to leave Headquarters, Roy could not hold himself, He was really gonna let Hughes have it, Everyone was dressed as Xingese Gangsters, and had positions ready.

Hughes was walking out of the front door.

_"There he is, Everyone get ready"_ Mustang Said

The gang turned on their cars and turn on the headlights facing Hughes, He turned around to see 3 cars behind him, Hughes knew it was the Xingese Mafia, Hughes ran as fast as he could while Mustang and his crew chased after Hughes, Untill Hughes was at a dead end, Surronded by cars. Mustang and his crew got out of their cars with Hughes against the wall scared as they got closer, The second Roy pulled out his gun, Hughes wet himself again, Roy almost couldn't hold it in anymore, He was about to laugh, He got close enough to Hughes and pointed his gun aganist his head, Hughes was almost about to get a heart attack again.

_"NO! NO! PLEASE!"_ Said Hughes_ "I have a wife and kid"_

_"You should have thought of them before you did what_ _you did"_ Said Mustang, In a deep voice

_"What did I did to you!"_

_"Oh, It's nothing bad you did to us, We kill anyone for fun, But we hate the military more than anybody"_

_"But why we never done anything to you"_

_"True, But you see we don't like sell outs, Like you Lt. Colonel Hughes, We heard what you alchemist done"_

_"I had no choice, I didn't know what i was getting in to when I signed up"_

_"It's too late for sorry"_

Roy pointed the gun aganist Hughes head, Pressing it against his forehead, Hughes started to cry, Begging not to shot, Roy then lowered his gun giving Hughes a moment of false security, Then he pointed it at Hughes with a grin, And then with Hughes closed his eyes...

**BANG!**

Hughes open his eyes to see he was still alive, He saw that the shot was a blank, Shocked to know it was not a real bullet

_"Wh-What the?"_ Said Hughes

Roy was snickering untill he was busting out laughing, Everyone took off their Costumes to so it was them, And Maes couldn't believe, His best friend and his gang were playing a prank on him, Hughes got mad

_"Got you Hughes"_ Said Roy

**WHAM!**

Hughes just punched Roy in the face, Causing Mustang to fall to the floor. Hughes just walked out, Leaving Roy and his crew confuse

* * *

**The Next Day**

Roy and Riza just got out of their office for lunch break, Then they saw Hughes who was angry make a B-line towards them

_"You think your so funny, Huh Roy?" _Said Hughes

_"Look man" _Said Roy _"We were just trying to teach you a lesson"_

_"Oh yeah that's funny, Me pissing myself... IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY!"_

_"Look we were just trying to stop you from calling so much"_

_"Oh so that how it is?... Fine I guess you won't mind"_

_"Won't mind what!"_ Roy and Riza Said in unison

_"If I show all of Central City... Your SEX TAPE!"_

Hughes pulled out a video tape, Labled "Mustang in Hawkeye", Both of them gasped in horror

_"H-Ho-How did you get that"_ Said Roy

_"I taped you two when you were getting it on, 2 nights ago"_

Mustang and Hawkeye could not believe it, Then suddenly Hughes ran faster than ever to get the tape out, Roy and Riza ran after him, Hughes making it to the News van outside of headquarters, He went in the van and put the tape in, And then as Maes got out of the van, Roy Tickled him down to the ground, Punching Hughes

_"What's wrong with you!"_ Yelled Roy

_"You embarrassed me in front of one of my employees" Yelled Hughes_

_"Only cause you kept calling me!"_

_"I was only trying to fix our dying friendship!"_

Roy could not believe what he heard, He picked up Hughes, Trying to relax

_"What" _Roy Said

_"I-I Thought ever since that drunken phone call, We might not become friends, Because you thought I was gay for you" Said Hughes_

_"That's crazy Hughes, Look you're my friend, There no need to keep calling me to make sure that we are still friends"_

_"I was just worried man"_

_"Look you're my friend, Even if your gay, But I'm not and even if I'm not gay it doesn't mean I won't be your friend"_

_"I'm sorry man"_

Hughes hugged Roy, Which was awkward to Roy and his girlfriend Riza, But was smiling to see they solved their problems

_"Okay Okay... Now just give us the tapes" _Said Riza

_"The Tapes!"_ Said Hughes

_"Oh no don't tell me!"_ Said Roy with fear

Then a Huge TV screen turned on to show the news, Then The sex tape was shown in the city and on every TV in people homes, Many people were shocked the tape was playing

Ed and Al watch the tape with Ed covering Al eyes, But watching until Winry hit Ed with a Pillow

Maes' Wife and kid watch too and was shocked, Covering Elysia eyes

Mustang's Crew watched at the office shocked, While Havoc and Breda were hooting

Even King Bradley watched Turned on and shocked, He asked one of his butlers to get him his sock

Roy and Riza saw the TV screen, Their secret was out and everyone saw them have sex, Hughes was scared now he was about to have an other heart attack with the thought of Hawkeye killing him, Then Both of them faced Hughes with a Murderous aura, Hughes ran for his life

_"HUGHES!" _Yelled Roy and Riza in unison, As they chased after Hughes

* * *

Moments Later...

Roy and Riza secret was out, luckily thanks to King Bradley, They weren't in trouble and allowed to continue their Relationship, While for Hughes, Roy and Riza tied him with a rope upside down, Hanging over sharp rocks, After that they Hughes never called Roy as much as he did before, And Roy still had his relationship with Hawkeye, Everything went good for Mustang.

* * *

**The End**

**Thanks a lot for reading, I'll be making an other Comedy with Bleach Next, Thanks for all the hits and visitors.**


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